Icy Day in the City

I had my first ever burn-out, apathetic feeling today. It just crept up on me, and as it was happening, not only did I not try to shake it off, I just didn't care. I let my partner run the call, and when we got to the ER, I basically stood in one corner all through triage, signing the pt off, and completing the documentation.

It was our fourth call of the day on this very icy, very treacherous day in New York. While Upstate got the fluffy white stuff (and feet of it, according to the first-hand report from my mother), down here we got gray, wet, heavy sleet and ice. The tones drop around 6:30 PM for "severe headache" and we arrive on scene to find a 42 y/o female c/o falling 11 hours prior (on her "butt," quoting my partner's PCR), with some dull achy pain in her head and sinuses, no recent hx of illness. Pt is prescribed two type of antidepressants, and denies SOB, LOC, neck/back pn, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, or cx pn. Pt is ambulatory and answering questions without difficulty, A&Ox3.

While this hx is being obtained, I'm mindlessly walking around the room looking at the furniture, peering into the office adjacent, and generally not paying attention. We go through the motions, and before I know it, I'm reading over my partner's documentation and signing off, we get in the truck, and head home.

It took me a while to realize why that call was such a blur, and it shocked me even more to realize my state of mind during it. As a person, I always pride myself on the excellence of my patient care. I follow the protocols to a T, and never take shortcuts. I try to make the patient feel comfortable, and strive to be the best EMT on the corps (and in the city!). I am ashamed and disappointed by my behavior, and worse still, I don't know what brought it on. When I say this is the first time I've felt like this, it is the truth. I've been a volunteer EMT for nearly five years now ("nearly a fossil" jokes the triage nurse whenever we get to chatting about my youth), and I'd never expected to hit a point I hit today.

In analyzing myself, I think today was an especially hard day. The first three calls sapped a lot of my energy, and the continual maintenance of the bus during the storm today added to the burden on my shoulders. I think I just need to put this behind me, and refocus on why I love EMS in the first place. Not just because I'm an admitted adrenaline junkie, but always because I love caring for people, being able to help them through the worst times of their lives. It is also fun, and the challenge of constantly improving on myself in a goal truly worthy of achieving.

I hope I won't see the demon that poked his head out today for a long time, and I won't be remiss if he never shows up again. One can only hope.




To put it all in perspective, I found this cartoon online today. Drawn by Steve Berry, that omnipresent force in EMS humor (JEMS):